Icebreakers: Two Truths and a Why

I hate ice breakers.  Like thoroughly despise them - or at least the icebreakers that folks typically try to use in most programs.  The only thing icebreakers seem to get right is that they correctly identify the fact that people come into programs “cold” and need to be warmed up, especially if you want them interacting with one another.  

Over the years, there is only one icebreaker that I have found actually works and adds value.  But before I get there, let’s take a quick look at why most icebreakers are often not only ineffective, but actually counter-productive.

To do this, let’s start with everyone’s favorite icebreaker - Two Truths and a Lie!

Without any research to support this, I imagine two truths and a lie might be the most popular icebreaker in the US (and maybe the world? No idea).  If you are reading this, then it is almost a certainty that you have encountered this activity, but for the uninitiated, here is a quick overview of how it works:

Let’s imagine you are at a company retreat or orientation of some kind.  A facilitator gathers everyone in a group and says something like:

“Good morning!....(group responds with a tepid response)...oh come on, you can do better than that! Good morning!...(everyone feigns enthusiasm - except for that one high energy person who is all in - and pushes out a slightly better response)”

“I’m super excited to have you all here today for this [insert program here] - but before we get started, we are going to do everyone’s favorite thing…an icebreaker!”

“Raise your hand if you have ever played Two Truths and a Lie! (everyone raises their hand except for a couple of folks who likely have played, but are already too irritated to participate)”

“Awesome! So the way this works is that we will go around one at a time and we ask that you introduce yourself and then share 3 things about yourself - two that are true and one that is a lie - but don’t tell us which one! Oh and stand up!  Then we get to guess which thing you shared is a lie!”

At this point, most people are either trying to remember what they always use in this game or are panicking that they don’t have anything interesting to share.  Then it typically proceeds something like this:

Facilitator: “Ok, who wants to start? (short silence, but someone is usually willing to get the ball rolling)”

Participant 1: “I’ll start - so my name is Ian Cohen, I am an entrepreneur and performance coach, and my three things are - I’ve never broken any bones in my body….uh I’ve been scuba diving with sharks…and I have 5 older siblings”

Facilitator: “Ooohhh amazing! (Turns to the group) Okay, which one do we think is the lie…?”

(silence for a few seconds)

Participant 2: “Is it the bones? You have broken a bone in your body?”

Participant 1: “Nope, I actually have never broken a bone!”

(Low level chatter and ‘ah’ from the group)

Participant 3: “Oh then its the the scuba diving?!”

Participant 1: “Nope, that’s true! I went scuba diving in the Caribbean and saw a shark!”

(ahh)

(awkward silence - this is the point in the game where there is only 1 choice left, which everyone is aware of, but someone always seems to have to actually say it to keep things moving)

Participant 4: “Then its the 5 older siblings?”

Participant 1: “Yep, that’s a lie! I have 5 siblings but only 3 are older!”

Facilitator: “Oh wow that’s awesome!  Great job everyone, who wants to go next?”

End scene.

What’s Wrong With This Harmless Activity

Before I deconstruct this activity, I do want to identify that it - and many icebreakers - have the right intentions and are not all bad, they are just terribly ineffective.  And if they are ineffective at “breaking the ice,” then they are a waste of your time.

Two truths and a lie has three main things going for it.  For one, it is simple and easy to understand, which means not a lot of set up is involved.  It is also very widely known (probably because it is simple) so the average person may feel a little comfort in being familiar with it.  The third benefit is that - with the right facilitator - it can help unearth similar interests or attributes amongst people in a group and get at some interesting stories.  In our example, perhaps another person in the group has also been scuba diving and we can maybe talk about that later?

Outside of those things, two truths and a lie has few redeeming qualities in my view.  In fact, the activity tends to create more ice than it breaks and here’s why.

Limited Participation

Two truths and a lie requires everyone in an unfamiliar group to sit and listen to one person at a time - which means only that person is really engaging.  And when the time comes for “guessing,” all that a person can do is shout some version of “Is it that one?”  It does not get our minds warmed up to higher order thinking (nor does it usually have anything to do with the focus of the actual program for that matter).

A true icebreaker engages everyone at the same time because the goal is to warm everyone up for the rest of the session.

Bites Over Narratives

The nature of the game forces folks to share what are essentially three bullet points.  But human beings are naturally bad at remembering discrete facts.  Moreover, bite-sized facts give us almost no actual idea of who the person is or what perspective they are bringing to the program - especially when only two of the facts are actually true!

A better approach is to share narratives.  Just as we are not good at remembering discrete facts, we are naturally good at remembering stories.  Plus, stories paint a fuller picture by allowing us to imagine the person in a context, hear about both what they did and how they reacted/feel about, and also gives them a chance to more fully express themselves during the telling.  

Irrelevant & Inefficient

As mentioned above, two truths and a lie is almost never focused on sharing facts that relate to the topic of the program itself.  Instead of guiding the participants towards a focus on the matter at hand, the game actively turns everyone away, forcing them to instead think about fun things they think they would rather be doing.  Oh and it also forces us all to lie to all of these new people we are just meeting.  White lies for sure, but nevertheless, definitely something to think about.

Additionally, two truths and a lie is a terrible use of time.  It typically takes 3-4 minutes to go through a single person which means that even with a group of just 10, you are likely looking at somewhere between 20-40 minutes depending on what kind of group you have.  That is a lot of time, especially when you consider that most of the people spend most of the time sitting silently, listening to a stranger try to lie to their faces :)

In reality, there are some facilitators out there that might just use icebreakers like this one as a filler - a way to take up time that they are not filling with more useful activities or discussions.  

The only thing that is true about two truths and a lie is that it fails to achieve the main goals of a good icebreaker.

The Purpose of an Icebreaker

Before I get to the super-secret activity I prefer to use in most “icebreaker” settings, let’s establish what the purpose of an icebreaker actually is:

There are a few things that feel particularly difficult to most individuals when they meet new people in a new environment:

• Introducing ourselves to new people
• Deciding what to share/talk about
• Determining when to switch topics/end the conversation

Put more generally, people in new environments are always trying to figure out what they are supposed to do, how they are supposed to do it, and when they are supposed to do it.  (Also why signage and layout is so critical in a retail store!)

This perfectly normal social tension is the first obstacle that a good icebreaker should tackle and the easiest way to do it is by clearly laying out the what, how, and when in your activity for your group. (Don’t worry, I’ll share my example in a second!)

In addition to process, your icebreaker also needs to consider content - what topics will the icebreaker focus on and at what depth.  As with Two Truths and a Lie, the vast majority of icebreakers miss this piece entirely.  I imagine the thinking goes like this:

Well, we are about to do a full two hours on [workshop topics] so why don’t we start with something more informal to let folks just get to know each other!

I totally get it - but this approach is also totally wrong.  To reiterate the earlier point, the opening minutes of your program are critical for landing the initial investment of your participants.  They know what they are there to cover and likely have thoughts already simmering coming into the program - so take advantage of that.  As the example activity will demonstrate, you can keep initial conversations casual and on topic.  

In fact, your icebreaker is the perfect time to help the participants reveal the important perspectives and reference stories they are bringing to the environment because you can keep it casual and safe.

Okay, let’s get to my favorite icebreaker - The Breeze Chat

Inspiration

The activity I am going to describe is naturally not my original invention (I wonder who invented Two Truths and a Lie?).  Big shoutout to Mike Johnston (current Mayor of Denver, CO!) and the Urban Leaders Fellowship where I picked up the structure!  I’ve added a few refinements, but I definitely want to give the majority of credit to those folks for turning me onto it.  Admittedly, I also do not remember the original name so I am calling it a Breeze Chat because it sounds pleasant and easy.

How a Breeze Chat Works

This activity has a couple of components, but at its core, you can think of it as a networking event where you pre-select/provide the intros, topics and time limits to the participants.  It is flexible and can work with groups as small as 6 or in a room of hundreds.

A Quick Note on Framing - Watch Your Words

When introducing any icebreaker, it is important to pay attention to how you frame the activity to your participants.  Word choice is everything when you are trying to get a group to feel both at ease and engaged.  Too many facilitators start their icebreakers saying things like “I know we all hate these” or “here comes the dreaded icebreaker.”  

In an attempt to show some self-awareness and empathy for our audience, we say these things to try to show that we are “on their side” or understand that some people may not be thrilled to do the activity.  Unfortunately, using words like those does quite the opposite.  Instead, it can come across as lacking self-confidence while confirming that whatever icebreaker we are about to do is so useless that even the facilitator themselves doesn’t want to do it.  Remember, you are there to move people - to get them to feel and think differently.  You don’t have to be a dramatic presenter, but you do have to be confident in your methods.  The audience will reflect back whatever energy you put out to them.

Round 1 - “Hi, my name is…”

To kick off this icebreaker activity, instruct your participants to do the following:

• Stand up / come over to the open area (this activity requires light moving around)
• When you say go, find someone they do not know and introduce themselves by saying “Hi, my name is ___”
• Then you and your new peer will each have 30 seconds to answer the following question
• Give participants a relatively surface level question that is easy to answer and add some context to, but not too deep.  For example, I like to sometimes ask participants to share “What is one small part of your daily routine that you really love and why?”

• A question like that allows people to focus on something simple, but meaningful that (hopefully) also brings some positive vibes to their mind.

• Before you say go, answer the question yourself

• As every teacher will tell you, modeling what you expect is critical when giving instructions - and also builds trust from your participants.

• Remind them of the starter of “Hi, my name is…”, the question, and the time limit - then say go!

So if I were doing this activity, my framing might sound something like this:

“Okay everyone, this exercise is easy to do and will be guided the whole way.  Our goal is just to get to know each other a little bit while warming up our minds for what we are doing next.  This activity has multiple rounds where you will get to meet some different folks.

Round 1 is called ‘Hi, my name is…’ because that is how you are going to introduce yourself! (hold for tepid laughter :).  For each round, I am going to tell you how to introduce yourself and then give you and your peer a question and time limit to chat about it.  When I start the exercise, you will find someone you do not know, introduce yourself with ‘Hi, my name is Ian Cohen’ and then answer the question - What is one small part of your daily routine that you really love and why? - you and your peer will have 90 seconds to chat so please be sure to share the time.  I will give you a 30-second warning before ending the round - apologies in advance for cutting you off :)

Before I start the exercise, I’ll go ahead and show you how it’s done.  

‘Hi, my name is Ian Cohen - and my favorite part of my daily routine is when I finish my breakfast and take a few minutes to drink my morning coffee.  I really just love the warmth and kickstart to the day.”

Yes, round 1 is really that simple and that is the point.  The best part?  If you want, you can do this round (and any round) multiple times over before moving to the next structure and question.  This makes the entire exercise super flexible for any sort of timeframe.

Give folks a 30-second warning and then gently (but firmly) cut them off so you can move on to round 2.

Round 2 - “Excuse me, have you met…?”

After you have done the initial round of 1-on-1 conversations, you are ready to move on to round 2 where participants will now add a 3rd person to their group, answer a new question, and have 3-5 minutes to do so.

One person will turn to a person of another group and say “Excuse me, have you met…” at which point they will introduce the peer they spoke to in round 1.  After introductions, the new group of 3 will dive into the new question you gave them before the round started.

The question in round 2 should have a little more substance than round 1.  This is where you can start to wade into your topic area for the day.  Model out the steps, reiterate the instructions, and off you go!

Again, feel free to do a round multiple times.  Also - let people know that it is okay if they split up or if a group of 4 forms.  Never be hard and fast on things like that!

Final Round - “Shall we dance…?”

Normally I would change the name for this round to avoid the inevitable heartbeat skip for my introverts out there, but since it is from the original inspiration, let’s keep it!

The final formation is called “shall we dance…” but absolutely zero dancing is involved (be prepared to say that and enjoy the sighs of relief).  Just like the previous round, Shall We Dance is where the groups of 3/4 combine with another group to form a final group of 5-8 people.  The question should be even deeper, extra time should be given, and folks should be reminded to make sure everyone is heard.

This round takes a bit more time, but your job as a facilitator is to ensure folks each say their piece before coming back together.  It is a great opportunity to tee up a question that can segue you into the meat of the program that comes next as well.

And that’s it!  Within 15-20 minutes, you can get everyone engaged and warmed up without awkwardness, materials, or gimmicks.  It is mature, yet easy with plenty of room for your own personality to imprint onto it.

Why The Activity Works

It is important to understand why this exercise works so well.  First and foremost are the introduction and question prompts.  By providing people with what they should say first and what they should talk about, you take most of the awkward social work out of it, letting them just talk about themselves, which is generally much easier.

This activity is effective also because of the pace and gradual increasing depth.  Starting with quick and easy rounds that build to slightly longer chats with more substantive questions stimulates everyone initially to grab their attention while slowly wading to the deep end of the pool.  Ice does gradually melt after all.

Finally, the various round structures means that you can do as many or as few as you need covering the topics you want, regardless of how much time or how many participants you have.

Conclusion

If you are a facilitator, realize that the start of your program is the most critical time in the entire session.  It’s your sales pitch for the experience you are about to take folks through.  They have made the commitment to attend, but now you need to get their commitment to engage as well.  

If you lead with something like two truths and a lie, you risk forfeiting whatever goodwill you were initially granted by their attendance.  While it might be easy and widely known, that doesn’t mean it's effective or enjoyable.  It’s like the dentist of icebreakers.  

But now you don’t have to do it anymore!  Give the Breeze Chat a try and make it your own, I promise you will not be disappointed.

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