Your Emotional Comfort Zones

First off, I hope everyone is having a relaxing Memorial Day weekend!  If you are anything like me, holiday weekends can often be both a blessing and a curse.

I obviously enjoy them - but I also get caught thinking, am I enjoying this enough?

Then I start worrying about routines I am deviating from (for a day) or things I could be working on (that I will tomorrow or the next day).

My head never really settles into being “off.”  If feels more like I am pausing everything because everyone else is.

Now part of the reason this happens is because you might be genuinely interested in several of the projects and tasks you are working on - and that’s great!

But most people say this a lot about vacations as well and how it “usually takes a few days to really unplug.”  

That’s definitely proven true for me, especially when it seems like a time where genuine rest would be most beneficial.

So the real question is why?

Why is it so difficult to stop thinking about our worries, anxieties, and obligations - all of which don’t make us feel very good?

The answer is simple - it is an emotional comfort zone.

But just because it is a “comfort zone,” doesn’t mean it makes you feel good.  In fact, it is quite the opposite!

As we know in our physical life, many places can become “comfort zones” even if they are not objectively comfortable.  Think dorm rooms, cubicles, cars, etc.

Despite their limitations, over time, we develop a sense of security and safety in them.

The same can be true of negative emotional states.

Whether it is due to biology or sociology or both, most of us are wary of feeling too much positivity or good energy.  

Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to feel good because we haven’t done this or finished that.

Or because we are secretly flawed.

Or because we are a burden or don’t want to outshine others.

The reality is that none of these things are actually true.  As Dr. Gay Hendricks puts it, “worrying is actually an addiction.”

When we are feeling good, we’ve trained our minds to find something new to worry about, even if that new thing is not urgent, important or even real.

When work is going well, all of a sudden you start thinking there is an issue in your relationship.  

When you are feeling fit, all of a sudden you start feeling like your professional life isn’t meaningful or your finances are out of whack.

When your home life feels good, all of a sudden you get a pain in your throat and think it must be a tumor this time! (Okay, that was a personal example, but a real one!)

And it is all because we’ve gotten used to a state of concern - we’ve become addicted to bringing ourselves back down.

This need to go negative is what holds you back.

It is what stops people from trying new things, taking risks, being vulnerable - all of the things that make growth and change possible and life fulfilling.

This does not mean you should feel positive or happy-go-lucky all of the time, of course.

But once you realize that this negativity is not a requirement of life or achievement, you can free yourself and start taking actions towards your bigger goals with anticipation and excitement.

The first step?  Noticing when you go from feeling positive to feeling negative.  When does it usually occur?  Are there triggers?

If you didn’t have those negative thoughts and feelings, what would you be able to accomplish?

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