Your Obstacle is the Way

Two weeks ago, I got married!

It was a blast and my wife Roxanna and I are thankful for all of the love and support our friends and family showed us.

And we are also extremely excited to be done with wedding planning :)

But the whole process definitely forces you to think about the bigger meaning of it all along the way.

Relationships

Commitment

Trust

Vulnerability

Those are some of the biggest things we have in our emotional lives - but most of us start out pretty terrible with one or multiple of those things.

Whether we are talking about friendships or romantic relationships, so much of what we expect and what we fear in them is based off the experiences we had when we were younger and the stories we tell ourselves about those events.

A bad high school relationship can make you afraid to be vulnerable 10 years later.

A rocky home life growing up can make you hesitant to trust other people.

A betrayal by a close friend or loved one can make you avoid relationships and commitment altogether for a long time.

That’s life - we experience things and then time forces us to grow and adapt.

The real secret is recognizing what the actual obstacles are in the first place - and that you are the only one keeping them there.

Or, as modern Stoic author Ryan Holiday puts it, The Obstacle is the Way.

Let me explain.

Holiday’s book (one of my favorites) details how we are all trying to get somewhere, to grow into some new version of ourselves that we can imagine.

But we often feel like we aren’t getting any closer.

However, the reason is because we are avoiding the real obstacle in our way.

Maybe you are trying to build a new business, but you keep avoiding the sales process because you aren’t used to asking other people for money.

The obstacle is your fear and inexperience with sales - not that you haven’t found the right marketing strategy or that you need a salesperson.  

Both of those things may be true one day, but to run your own business, you have to develop the skill and conviction to believe in what you are building - and sell it.

The obstacle is the way.

If you are looking for a loving, committed partner that you can feel like yourself with, then you need to be willing to be yourself by opening up and being vulnerable.

Trust and commitment are built in vulnerability.

The obstacle is the way.

The great thing?  The world is full of people trained and willing to help you overcome just about any obstacle - but change always starts with you first.

The obstacle is the way.

What obstacle - maybe a fear or vulnerability - has been keeping you from your next self?

What obstacle is in your way?

‍